i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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