Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
