Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
