Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
