K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
