I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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