For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
