And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
