Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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