Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
