hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
