I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
