I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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