You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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