She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
