I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
