There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
