If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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