i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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