Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(601): View more from Mississippi

is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?

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(937): View more from Ohio

Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!

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(904): View more from Florida

I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety

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(906): View more from Michigan

Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.

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(239): View more from Florida

There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.

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