ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
