If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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