I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
