Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
