Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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