drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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