Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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