Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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