Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
