We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
