He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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