at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
