My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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