I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
