Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How's work?
Spinning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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