im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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