As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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