Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
