Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
