Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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