the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
