Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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