We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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