If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
