I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
how does that bad decision feel?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
