I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
