She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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