How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
