cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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