Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
