He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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