why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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