I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
