I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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