Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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