I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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